Ashton Kutcher‘s character Walden Schmidt on Two and a Half Men prepares to remodel his house into a pleasure dome. Looks like he could use a few tips from a Pleasure Dome Expert! Cue Marty ‘The Party Animal’ Chazwick as MissionCtrl and SideReel join forces to bring you TV a la Modem!
Comments
Host
As you know, Ashton Kutcher’s character Walden on Two and a Half Men, has decided to remodel his new house. To get a feel for how a real-life playboy would go about designing a space for his own swingin’ lifestyle, we reached out to our man on the ground.
Happy to be here.
host
Or should I say, man underground? Now, you actually remodeled an old army bunker into a pleasure dome, is that correct?
MARTY
I’ve remodeled several cold war era bunkers into pleasure domes.
host
And if Ashton Kutcher’s character Walden were there, what kind of tips could he pick up?
MARTY
The fountains. The fountains, probably, and maybe the massage oil library.
Host
And several of those oils are on tap, is that correct?
MARTY
40 of our best oils are on tap. And there are tons of flamingos.
Host
Now, all those flamingos need sunlight, right?
MARTY
Actually, they don’t. And it’s got amenities. 30 swingers could live down there, doing nothing but partying for fifteen years straight. Sounds perfect,right?
host
It does.
MARTY
Well it’s not! I live by myself underground! I’ve been playing Settlers of Catan with a flamingo for the last 6 months!
host
Listen, you don’t have to-
MARTY
I think he’s taking a liking to me. I call him sparky.THere’s enough food for him to party for 10,000 years!! I calculated it on this abacus I made out of cavier!
host
Ok..
MARTY
It’s pretty simple on paper. Build a pleasure dome, populate it with babes and supplies, and party for 10,000 years. But it doesn’t always work that way! Are you listening to me, Ashton? You build a dome, and sometimes no one shows up! Sometimes, you wake up covered in ice cream and massage oil, sleeping head to toe with a flamingo. I told you I’d sleep on top of the covers. I woulda, too! I woulda!
host
(cuts off)
Well, thank you for that image! Well, guess the swingin’ bachelor’s life style isn’t always all it’s cracked up to be. Let’s hope Ashton Kutcher’s character Walden has a better experience.
